I wrote a fairly long post about my recently posted video, but I deleted it because it was narcissist. You didn’t miss anything. I saved you from reading two pages of pretentious rambling. Actually, you should consider thanking me.
If I was completely honest with myself, I would admit there’s a perception of myself that I’d like to project onto this blog. And if I stop to think about how many people across the world will read this post, I’ll become self-conscious and concerned about every little thing that I write.
It’s worse for my videos, especially with the video about suicide. I mean, what do you say to someone who says that you saved their life? A part of me doesn’t feel adequate or qualified to comfort and support those people, even though they deeply feel like they can relate to me.
I honestly hope the best for them, really.
I wonder if its how Herman Melville felt when people asked him about whaling.
Recently, I took a personality test for a class. And even though it didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, it made me think about perceptions on the internet. I think everyone tends to act a little differently depending on their surroundings, but the internet provides a mass outlet to explore different aspects of your personality since you’re technically anonymous and able to regulate everything that you present to people; you decide which pictures are shown or you can precisely articulate your thoughts and ideas.
And with all the anonymity that the internet provides, I’d initially assume that people would become more rounded with their personality or characteristics, especially with the chance to interact with such a wide verity of people and resources, but I think the internet forces people to become more linear with their thinking and perceptions.
Internet users have more identities, but those identities have become more limited in their social scope. I think it’s fairly common for one person to have multiple screen names on one social network. It allows people to explore different parts of their beliefs and social tendencies without the repercussions of harming their initial or original identity.
I think that allows people to act like assholes. It provides an excuse to act differently from how they would normally perceive themselves.
In Orson Scott Card’s ‘Ender’s Game,’ children spread their ideas through the internet by posing as adults, and actual adults debated their thoughts and ideas, which shaped how they perceived the world.
I think with the modern internet, we’re all pretending. We all have separate, anonymous identities that have no relation to our actual beliefs or self perception. It’s like that scene from ‘Out Cold’ where the two guys unknowingly cyber with each other on a lesbian chat room.
If I’m honest with myself, I’d admit that I care about how people perceive me on the internet. And not because I’m insecure or lonely, but because everyone cares just a little.
And in my blog, I want to write posts that will help me understand more about myself.
I want it to be real.
You're just bummed that I didn't draw a Thanksgiving dog.